


The Ballad of Hot Bodimus Prime and Ultra Swagnus

by briarglades



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Pronouns, F/F, Other, Their Tongues Battled For Dominance, kissing duels, rodimus wrote this, sexplosively good kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briarglades/pseuds/briarglades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>as they fight the evil sex demons of Sexdemonopolis.<br/>by totally-not-Rodimus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ballad of Hot Bodimus Prime and Ultra Swagnus

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my amazing datemate Erin for helping me make this even more awful than it already was. <3

It was a warm and humid day in space. Hot Bodimus **Prime** took off her cool trenchcoat sexily and looked over at her amazing girlfriend Ultra Swagnus who was ultra-swagalicious. They made eye contact and the space air crackled with sexual tension.

"Damn, girl, how are u lookin so bootylicious?" asked Hot Bodimus **Prime**.

"Don't be so modest, Hot Bodimus **Prime** ," said Ultra Swagnus. "I'm nowhere near as sextastic as you are. Besides, rule #3.1415926 of the Autobooty Code Accord thingie says that the Duly Appointed Enforcer of Sexiness has to be lookin jammin-slammin-bootylicious at all times! ;)!"

"Well you sure are good at that! ;)!!!!!!!!"

Alas, their sexiness was their downfall, since this hot conversation occurred as their ship, the Bod Pod, was passing too close to Sexdemonopolis IV, home of the galaxy's sexiest sex demons, and their sexy sex leader, $exatron.

"Captain Prime, sir! The alarms are going off the charts!" yelled Ultra Swagnus. She was very worried and scared.

"Don't worry, my dear Ultra Swagnus. I'll get us out of here!" said Hot Bodimus **Prime**. She took the wheel, yelling "Ultra Swagnus! Take us... to Ludicrous Speed!"

"Aye aye, Captain Prime, sir." Ultra Swagnus dialed up the throttle.

"Captain Prime, sir! They're matching our speed!"

"What!?? That's - that's ludicrous!"

"Correct, Captain Prime. We are both at Ludicrous Speed."

"Oh ~~Mags~~ Swags, you're so funny and beautiful. And tall."

"Thank you, Captain," Ultra Swagnus blushed.

Suddenly the Bod Pod shuddered and rocked side-to-side. They'd been hit! By the sex demon's ship's sexy sex ray blaster!

"Oh my!" said Hot Bodimus **Prime**. "I feel even sexier than usual!"

"Damn," said Ultra Swagnus. "That's pretty fucking sexy."

Then, $exatron and some of her sexy sex demon minions evilly teleported onto the Bod Pod.

"Hot Bodimus, long have I heard tales of your galactic sexploits. It is time for us to prove who is the sexier leader. If you win, you get this shiny dildo made of gold, but if you lose, the devil (that's me btw) gets your soul! Haha jk. But I do get to be co-captain of your ship. And I get to kiss Ultra Swagnus... with tongue!" said $exatron.

"First of all, its Hot Bodimus _**Prime**_. Second, you're on!"

Ultra Swagnus gasped. "Bodi, no! I... I want to save all of my kisses for you... captain-senpai..."

Hot Bodimus **Prime** chuckled. "Don't you worry, ~~Mags~~ Swags. You will." She turned to $exatron. "What are the terms of this duel?"

"You will regret your arrogance, Hot Bodimus 'Prime'. I honed my skills in the pits of Kaon! This will follow the ancient rules of mouth-to-mouth combat. Our tongues will duel for dominance. The loser's tongue will be sent to the Shadow Realm!"

"Senpai, no! You can't risk this... just for me..." whispered Ultra Swagnus.

"No, ~~Mags~~ Swags. I have to risk this. For you." replied Bodi gently, gazing into her eyes lovingly in a hot way. Then she winked. "Okay, $exatron. Let's d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

$exatron and Hot Bodimus **Prime** approached each other, circling warily. They glared at each her with a sexy glint in their eyes. At last, $exatron made her move. She mashed their faces together like a chef making delicious sexy mashed energon potatoes. Their lips met, curling around each other like weird fractals of sexiness. Finally, Bodimus made her move. Her tongue lunged forward like a fencer lunging forward. But $exatron was canny, parrying under to tap lightly at Hot Bodimus **Prime** 's guard. Cautiously, Bodi backed up, more aware now of her opponent's talents. $exatron pressed her advantage, probing deeper at Hot Bodimus **Prime** 's defences.

Hot Bodimus **Prime** was 'on the ropes'. She was at the 'edge of the strip'. She was at her own ten yard line, and it was time for a Hail Mary Pass. Gathering up all her courageous sexiness, she pressed ahead for one final assault. "For ~~Magnus~~ Swagnus," she whispered to herself inside her spark. Keeping her gf's beautiful face in front of her optics (metaphorically), she attacked.

Her tongue charged forwards, knocking $exatron's aside. She overwhelmed $exatron's defenses, storming the gate and making sure that her princess was not in another castle. No, she would be victorious, winning over $exatron's years of sexy sex sexperience with The Power Of Love. No longer would $exatron terrorize unwitting victims with her awful cyberfleshy appendage. No, her tongue crumbled into cyberdust as it was banished to the Shadow Realm. Hot Bodimus **Prime** was triumphant.

$exatron fell back, amazed at the sheer power of sexiness that had been unleashed. Hot Bodimus **Prime** strode away from her fallen enemy, thinking "You who are without mercy now plead for it?". She gripped Ultra Swagnus by the shoulder, raising one hand up to caress her cheek (standing on tippy-toes because Ultra Swagnus was really tall), and dipped her back, plundering her mouth for hidden treasure. Little did she know, the true treasure was the (girl)friends they had made along the way.

"Alright, $exatron," ordered Hot Bodimus **Prime** as she and Ultra Swagnus finally came. Up for air. "Your pitiful bid for co-captaincy failed; get off my ship."

$exatron mimed acquiescence, nodding humbly and respectfully to her make-out superior. She turned to leave, before recalling that she was in space on someone else's space ship. Then Hot Bodimus **Prime** kicked her and her sexy sex demon minions out the airlock towards their ship. (AN: feel free to try this at home! ;) )

And she and Ultra Swagnus went off on adventures together in the Bod Pod and surfed on meteor showers together and lived happily ever after. In Space.

**TIL ALL ARE ONE. THE END.**

 


End file.
